The Power of Knowing Who You're With
The Power of Knowing Who You’re With: Advice for every relationship
Most people automatically go to romantic relationships when they read that word: relationship. However, relationships are meant for everyone. Don’t take your friends and family for granted. Now, I’m no love guru, but I feel as if I have some basic knowledge about relationships.
Most people view relationships in two categories, romantically and then everyone else. Which is fine, it doesn’t matter how its perceived categorically; that’s up to you.
But let me ask you this, do you treat your non-romantic relationships the same way as your significant other? Think about it. How do/did you treat your significant other versus everyone else in your life?
Do you hold them at a higher regard? A higher standard?
Do you expect more from them?
Any and all relationships have to be an equal balance of both halves. It cannot be just one or the other. Romantic relationships should be held with the same expectations mentally as a non-romantic relationship.
1. Love Yourself First
No matter whom you’re trying to show love to, you must first love yourself completely.
You will have a hard time with long-term relationships if you relyon others to make you feel loved. It will seem as if you are always bouncing around from relationship to relationship withno stability.If you’re wondering why it never works out even though you’re an amazing person, do not become discouraged. You are a beautiful person with unique qualities and capabilities. Don’t everlet anyone manipulate you and/or take that away from you.
I need you to trust that about yourself and fully embrace it while fully believing it.
My favorite analogy (that I’m sure you’ve seen in other posts that I gear towards self –love) is this visual imagery:
Picture an almost empty water glass next to an empty pitcher.
Now, pick up the pitcher and try to fill the glass up with water.
Did it work?
If you haven’t already guessed it, YOU ARE THE PITCHER.
You have to make sure that your pitcher is completely full of water (love) before you try to share your water (aka love) with anyone else.
It’s important to love yourself mind, body, and spirit. If you need some ideas to help get you started with true self love here are some examples:
(for more in depth examples and ideas to how to live your best life click here)
-Do some exercises
-Take a yoga class
-practice meditating every morning
-make yourself a fancy bath
-make adaptogenic tea
-research things of interest to you and find a connection with it
-read the Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer. This is my all-time favorite book. It makes you think beyond the conditions of who you believe you are.
Practice these examples of self-care consistently. MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF.
Try to reach a point of growth where you can comfortably answer this question without hesitation:
Who are you?
-You can start by saying a sister, brother, daughter, son, mother, father, cousin, etc. but you didn’t have a choice in that
-You can mention a football player or dancer, etc, but those are things you do, not who you are
-Who are you choosing to be?
-Who are you?
Now, once you have fully committed to loving yourself, you should commit to the other person whom you are trying to love.
If you do not already know, I want to point out that it is more than ok to set boundariesfor people who are toxicto you and/or drain you.
It’s an unhealthy relationship to be constantly trying to lift someone else up when they do not care to listen. It will negatively affect your mind and spirit. You have to look out for yourself the best that you can, because no one else will.
Yes we are all human and unique beings, but we all cannot get along. Separating yourself from toxic people does not give you a right to be rude to them.
How you treat others is areflection upon yourself, so do not be a Negative Nancy. You can still treat others with respect and kindness, just be aware of how others are treating you.
2. Stay Committed
This word, commitment, scares so many people in to creating flakey relationships.
Even if you are scared,do it anyway; face your fears head on. Do not let fear hold you back in your life.
It is such a peacefulfeeling knowing that you have quality relationships in your life. I would take quality over quantity any day.
Life doesn’t have to be tackled alone. Find dope people and do not let them go. Be there for them. Ask them how they are doing every once in a while.Everyone likes to talk things out whether they realize it or not, so listen.
Make sure your friends don’t need help with anything, and if they dooffer a helping hand. Be proactive in all of your relationships. As long as you’re doing your part and the other person is putting in effort as well, then it’ll all fall in to place.
You can never tell someone too much that you’re thankful to have him or her in your life. I really want to stress that. I tell my loved ones that I care about them on a daily basis.
Make it known that you’ll always be there for them. Life is too short to let a day pass by without telling a friend how grateful you are for them.
3. Be Open And Trusting
If you’re a person that hastrust issues,you are not alone. I was once an untrusting individual. I put up so many walls to protect myself from getting hurt, but I wasn’t living up to my full potential that way.
Open up your mind and heart to vulnerability. Put yourself out there so that other people feel comfortable with you as well. When the commitment and loyalty is rawfrom the beginning and continues to stay there with consistent actions, then trust will follow.
Consistency is key here. Actions truly speak louder than words and that needs to be emphaseized.
Relationships can be a lot of work to keep up with, but they don’t have to be as difficult as some people think.
4. Realize the Red Flags
Occasional fighting with a partner is healthy in order to learn how to compromise with that person. If the fighting becomes consistent or constantly over the same topic, that is probably a red flag that it is a toxic relationship.
Fighting is exhausting. If the relationship is bringing you down in a negative way do not keep making excuses on why it’s good. Set limits for yourself and stick to them. Take care of yourself.
Rewind back to the “it doesn’t have to be difficult” part. You may be thinking I’m nuts, but here’s what I believe: If you are invested in the other person and you know nearly everything about them, then you should know how to be with them.
You should know what makes them happy or brings them joy. You should understand what makes them upset, sad, or irritated.
If you find yourself purposely trying to hurt your partner in a negative way, it may be time to reevaluate how you feel. You may not be as committed to those relationships as you think you are.
As for romantic relationships, it’s possible to love and care for someone, but you know in your heart that they’re not the one meant for you.
There may be a lot of issues, but maybe the problem is that you’re too different. In my college psychology classes I learned that the old saying “two birds of a feather flock together” is proven to be more accurate than “opposites attract”.
Yes, opposites do attract, however two extremely opposite people may result in a shorter relationship.
When two givers or similar people start a relationship, that relationship is overwhelmed with unstoppable growth. It allows both halves to feed off of each other and continue growing in ways they never thought were possible.
5. Understand The Person Next to You
A quick reiteration: Once you know who you are as a person and what you want your morals to be you should know what you're looking for in friends and significant others.
Do not settlefor anything less than your standards. Then, completely get to know the person next to you. This way, less fighting will occur and you both can GROW TOGETHER.
Something that opened up my eyes a few years ago was, 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, by Gary Chapman.
Do you know what your significant others’ love language is?
They might give love a different way than they receive love.
Gary’s 5 languages are: receiving gifts, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, and physical touch.
You may think you’re giving love to another person properly, but that’s not how they interpret receiving love. Since everyone shows love differently, it’s important to know the person that you’re with.
If not, this is where “relationships are hard” comes into play. One person may be feeling like they are pouring out all the love that they can and the other person may still feel unloved because that’s not how they view love.
I highly recommend reading the book and taking the online quiz. Even if you are currently single, do it. Like I said earlier, ALL relationships matter.
My roommates and I all took the quiz together so that we could make sure to show how much we appreciate each other and have it be understood. Now, our home is filled with so much love and grace.
I have found the languages to be extremely effective.
So, to recap, the power of knowing whom you are with starts with knowing who you are as an individual.
Constant support, quality actions, consistent patience, genuine compassion, and a positive attitude will work wonders towards growing your relationships.
Knowledge is (always) power. Know who you are so that you can give love to the people around you.
Side note: Be sure that no matter who you are, who you’re with, and where you go, that you treat everyone (even yourself) with kindness and love. Spread that ish everywhere.